Mahabir Pun also lives in Kathmandu where he conducts most of his business at his restaurant called “Mahabir’s Centre for Nepal Connection“. The restaurant decor is modern and the chef serves excellent food. The location, in the center of Nepal’s capitol, is located on the second floor of a pedestrian mall which offers a quiet atmosphere for business. Here he meets with local and foreign donors, politicians, friends and volunteers to discuss ideas, fund projects and implement goals. He also travels abroad to lecture several times a year. This gives him little time at home in Pokhara when combined with travel in Nepal to supervise new wireless sites or help communities build their own.

Jharana (center) with her cousins in Pokhara. 2009

Ommaya travels to Kaphaldanda to visit her family once a year and Chitwan a few times to bring the children to see Mahabir’s mother who is in her late 80s. Otherwise she can be found at home in Pokhara. When I asked her about his long absences she was perplexed by the question. She had no answer to a question which posed no problem in her marriage. She was content. When I asked Mahabir about it, he smiled and said, “Nepali women are used to it.” Especially Magar women, because over the decades they watched their husbands leave to work in the British and India military or for the Hong Kong police. Over the last few decades many rural Nepali men have sought employment as foreign migrant workers leaving the women to manage the family, home and farms. Separation is not only a means to a job, it is viewed as a way to survive and improve a family’s finances or education.

Mahabir Pun bridges the gap using the very technology that keeps them apart. He, like many absent fathers, calls his children almost daily and they Skype a few times a week. He will stop in Pokhara, even for an afternoon, to visit when traveling to the western regions of Nepal. During one visit at his home I watched him with Juna and Jharana, his daughters. It was a glimpse into a rarely seen part of his character. He is tender and proud. He told me, “They love me so much and I love them so much too.” This acknowledgement shared so freely stunned me. If you have never met the man…he says little and what he does say is never personal. He is a man who speaks with his actions.

Join me next week as I conclude this part of Mahabir Pun’s life and move onto his present projects.

The legal proceedings required Mahabir Pun and Ommaya to register the marriage at the local government office in Chitwan where they were issued a marriage certificate. One last step required Ommaya to file citizenship papers as Mahabir’s wife in the Office of Chief District Officer of Chitwan. This completed the legalities but not the social complexity.

Nangi in the foreground; Ramche in the background; and to the left, out of sight, would be Kaphaldanda.

There was no celebration of the marriage in a traditional post wedding party. In Mahair’s own words…“I am strictly against any kind of party or ceremony. Neither I give party to anybody nor I attend party or ceremony thrown by anybody.” I had attended a wedding reception 10 years ago in Nangi. Even in the small village it was a huge occasion. Multiple animals were slaughtered, hundreds of people came to eat and dance and it was a generally merry occasion…not unlike the atmosphere at our own western wedding receptions. But he would not have such friviolties. Mahabir described their celebration as a “gathering” of a few close relatives at his brother’s home in Chitwan. They simply ate dal bhat, which is the daily diet of most Nepalese.

Months later, to complete the social process, Mahabir and Ommaya went to visit her family in Kaphaldanda and brought gifts. This is called Dhog Garne and Mahabir described the process simply and elegantly…”in Nepali meaning bowing to the families and close relatives of the girl’s. According to the tradition, we went to meet Ommaya’s parents and relatives with some of my close relatives from Nangi. We took a goat as present and some Raksi. All the relatives gathered at Ommaya’s house and we bowed our heads to the people, whom we were supposed to respect. This simple ceremony gives formal and final approval of the marriage.”

According to Ommaya this was a love match, but Mahabir Pun had been under social and family pressures from his mother to marry even years before Ommaya was born. It is no coincidence the families knew each other, lived in the same district and were from the same ethnic group called Magars. It was a match that pleased all parties involved.

If you lived in a culture where your parents chose your mate, who do you think they would have chosen? Join me next week to read about Mahabir’s life as a husband and father.